The Winds of Change

It has been a while since I have been here. Life has just been hard these last few months, so I have been focusing mostly on just living, nurturing my children and planning what the next step is from here.

 I realised in the weeks following the February quake that the life I knew was gone. Initially I couldn't think to much about the future. But soon, I began to feel the gentle winds of change starting to blow. As the weeks moved forward, a new path slowly began to appear. This week, those plans will reach a climax as we pack up our lives and move 5 hours south. We are moving away from everything and everyone we know, to begin a new life.

Time for me to take a deep breath and jump into my new life... wish me luck.

Christchurch

People ask me, 'Whats it like? Living in Christchurch at the moment?' The truth is, I don't even know where to begin in answering that question because the answer is too huge. But I will try.
 

Life as I knew it, came to a halt on February 22nd. That may sound dramatic but it is true. Everything I did, everything I knew, everywhere I went, it all changed in less than a minute.  I live in the east of the city, the most badly damaged area. What the earthquake did not destroy, the rockfall finished off.

I feel many days like a boat set adrift at sea. I miss my old life, I miss things being easy. I miss being able to go to the store. I miss not having to plan where I am going to walk or drive to avoid damage. I miss not having portaloos dotted along our street.  But mostly I just miss the normality of the life I had.

It is hard answering my three year old when she points at another rock, another crack or another damaged house and asks "did the earthquake do that Mummy?", my response is always "yes sweetheart". After a pause she always replies "I don't like earthquakes Mummy".

It is hard to provide the little ones with reassurance to their fears when daily we are reminded of the power of mother nature with every aftershock that hits. Even as I write this, another earthquake has rattled us. Everyone stops for a minute, breath inhaled, remembering, waiting to see if this one is going to be a big one. It is not, we exhale and try to convince our hearts to slow down and move on with life.

I have come to realize that Christchurch will not recover from this for a very long time. We are very much a city on our knees. While I hear a lot of positivity from the politicians and the media. Living here, living in it, I know the damage is just too huge. This won't be fixed this year, or next year or the year after that.  It will take decades.

It makes me sad, to see this city I love, reduced to this. 

Her New Glasses

In amongst all the chaos that has become our lives post February 22nd, my little girl got her first pair of glasses. You may remember me telling you a wee while ago about Holly's eyesight. We went back to see the pediatric specialist who confirmed her eyesight is indeed atrocious in both eyes due to severe longsightedness, which has in turn caused the weaker eye to switch off. The new glasses is the first step in improving her eyesight.

Luckily, she has been very excited about them and has taken to wearing them easily. The first few days she walked round like a headmistress, peering over the top of her spectacles, but within a few days, she had adjusted to them and is actually very proud of her glasses.

It has changed her too, her personality. She used to be so shy and quiet. She used to stick close to me. Now she can see better, her confidence is beginning to grow. She is starting to come out of her shell, she is now happy to run far ahead of me and run fast- without falling over! She even looks different, more grown up some how. Funny that one little pair of glasses can do so much for one little girl.

My Creative Space

Little flower headband

Hair tie

doll blanket

Little girl's handbag

The earthquake has had one positive- I finally learn't to crochet!

Christchurch- A Month On

It has been one month since the massive earthquake which bought Christchurch to it's knees. The media has moved on to other places and other disasters. But, to be honest, little has changed in Christchurch a month on. The CBD is still closed off, many businesses in the eastern suburbs remain closed. The houses are still damaged, as is the psyche of the people whom live there. Most homes now have power and water back on. But, the water is not safe to drink and the sewers remain critically damaged with sewage being expelled into the city's rivers and oceans. Aftershocks still rattle the city on a daily basis. Many, including myself, whom fled the city in the days following the quake are slowly returning. The future, very much unknown now, plans and priorities have changed, people are living week by week. Looking any further ahead is just too hard.

The Dream Is Nearly Over

As I write this, I am hundreds of miles from home. Hundreds of miles from the destruction and devastation of my home town. Nearly two weeks ago, I packed my girls into the car and drove as far north as I could, arriving in the safety and sanctuary of the beautiful Golden Bay. Here, we have been able to pretend for a little while that life is normal. We have walked along the seashore, collecting seashells, paddling and splashing in the shallows. Basking in the beautiful, warm climate. Living a simple, beautiful life. 

As our two weeks here draws towards an end, I now only see glimpses of the scared little girls I traveled here with. Holly, too terrified to go on the beach or open the windows because the sound of the waves and the wind was too terrifying for her, the sound too eerily similar to the sound heard in the seconds before an earthquake. Isla, clinging to me,  like a little monkey, reluctant to leave my arms, even to those whom she knew and loved. As I watch them run down the beach, cooing like seagulls, laughing and squealing, I feel sad that I have to take them back to the city which has caused so much fear in their tiny hearts. 

The dream is nearly over, back to reality soon.

This Little Girl

This week, this little girl learnt to run. She ran round and round the coffee table, she ran across the grass and she ran down the footpath. She tripped on the footpath and cut her sweet cherry lip. Now she is not so keen on running on the footpath but is still happy to run round the coffee table and cross the grass. Bless her, clever girl.

This week, this little girl learn't the joy of drawing with crayons and is immensely pleased with the colourful markings she can make.

This week, this little girl learnt that if she goes backwards on her tummy, she is allowed to go down the staircase herself. What joy she takes in sliding down the stairs just for the fun of it.

This week, this little girl learnt that she can shake her head to let me know she means no. No I don't want to be picked up. No I don't want a drink. No I don't want a bath. So very sure of herself is this little girl.

This week, this little girl learnt to say Nana. Much to her Nana's joy.

This week, this little girl made her Mama's heart happy a million times over, oh how I love her.